I say brr...it's cold in here...

So, today it is a bit chilly out. Everyone is going to go to Starbucks after class and I am looking forward to getting a Caramel Apple Cider. After we get back I'm planning of hiding out in my room under my covers and watching a movie or two. I have a quiz tomorrow that I should study for in between that time. I have over 100% in that class, so I'm not too worried about it, but why fuck up a test when I'm already doing so well in the class.

Well, not much else going on. The drama has lessened considerably which is good. I decided that I'm going to be going home every weekend while my grandma is in town. My parents said that they may take her up to Greeley so she can see the campus and my house...but other than that why spend my weekends away from home while she's there?

Well, that's it for now. I have to get ready to go to class now...blah

Loves around...

P.S. Now it's all warmer out...I can't get Starbucks now!!!

Oh drama...

Well, the drama in this house has escalated from "eh, it'll get better" to "holy shit, this is ridiculous". Everyone who reads this knows what's going on, so I'm not going to get into it. But I do agree that it is starting to get frustrating and annoying, even though I'm not really apart of it, except for the fact that I feel like I have to pick sides. Which I'm not going to, but I am leaning to a particular side.

I hope things start dying down soon and things start go get better. I told myself at the beginning of the year that I was going to try as hard as I could to not piss people off and so far I think I'm doing pretty okay.

I know I did cause some drama, but I think I fixed it for the most part. I chatted with Kara today for a good hour and a half and we pretty much talked about everything, and I mean everything that is going on. It's definitely a difficult situation and I hope everyone can get through it. I kind of don't want to get involved, but at the same time, I feel bad that other people have to deal with it and I don't want to. I know it kind of isn't my issue, but at the same time I feel like I should say something or do something to make it better.

Well, I'm always a good person to vent to, so if anyone needs to chat...I am here.

Loves around...

Hate him and never would want to date him...

Yeah, so Justin turned out to be an asshole. He kept saying he was going to meet me on Thursday and he couldn't wait and then all of a sudden he tells me he has a girlfriend. I hate him so much. I feel stupid because I'm crying over someone I met over myspace, but it doesn't make it any less hurtful. I'll get over it and meet someone else in a better way than an internet site. There is this guy I work that I really like and I'm going to let him know I like him. I hope he doesn't have a girlfriend too. I even told him about Justin even though I liked him too, but I felt that I had to give Justin a chance to meet me before I went onto other guys...maybe I shouldn't have done that. Well, I'm going to tell Zach (work guy) that I'm not talking to Justin anymore and see what he says. Of course this may just be another incident where I set myself up for disappointment. Well, I'll never know until I try.

I'm done now.

Loves around...

P.S. The blow is now softened due to the fact that he is not attractive like I thought at first. Pictures suck.

He's coming home!!!!

So, just got an e-mail from my aunt and she said that my cousin Chris is on his way home! Yay! I'm so happy that he made it through okay. I hope I get to see him this summer. That would be awesome.

Anywho...thanks for all you guy's support and such. It meant a lot.

Just wanted to update on that. Short and SWEET!!!!

Loves around...

Doggies!!!

Well, my grandma and her two dogs are here for what might as be as long as a month. So I'm going to be going home next weekend too so I can spend more time with her. My grandma also informed us that when she does finally go back to Texas...she may leave the dogs here permanently. I love those dogs so I am soooo excited! And it may soften the blow for when Chloe goes, who by the way is handling the two huge dogs quite nicely...and also eating their food.

Well, I'm going back up to Greeley tonight so I can go to work at 8:30 in the morning tomorrow. Blah. Oh well. I talked to Justin last night and he said he might be coming up to Greeley on Thursday!!!! I am so excited! I definitely need to look pretty that day.

Well, that's about it for now. Happy moods are fun!

Loves around...

HOME!!!!

So I'm home until tomorrow night and I am so happy to be here. My parents are coming home late tonight with my grandma so I won't get to sleep in my own bed...but whatever. At least I get to see my parents. I don't plan on leaving tomorrow until late like maybe 9:00 at night late because I do want spend as much time as I can with the fam.

I kind of wish I didn't have to work on Sunday...but oh well. It's money. And Justin is starting to talk to me less and less and that's making me kind of sad. I don't know what's going on with him...but I decided I'm going to stop trying to get his attention and talking to him so much and if he really wants to talk to me he will.

Well, it's short this time.

Loves around...

What a week...and it isn't even over yet

Okay...so this week has been really emotional lately and it isn't even over yet. All this shit is going on all at once and it's making me sick...literally. Last night I had this massive vertigo attack that doesn't happen unless I'm stressed. Whatever.

But today was the suckiest day out of the whole week. I had to go grocery shopping which cost me like 50 bucks and I had to get my brother a birthday gift because he's turning the big 2-4 on the 27th.

Family issues are the big percentage in my emotional state...but there are some roommate issues as well. I talked to Chris for awhile after I got back from the store and we tried to clear things up and hopefully things will start to get better...but no one knows. I'm sure it's hard for everyone to make time for everyone and it's all understandable, but it still doesn't make easier not to feel hurt or excluded. I talked to Garrick too for a bit and he cleared some things up and tried to make me feel better about everything. Which he did a little bit.

My parents had to leave for Texas tonight to rescue my grandma and her two dogs Sadie and Sami from Hurricane Rita. That kind of makes me sad because my grandma will be at my house for who knows how long and I'm stuck in Greeley.

I'm also seriously considering not returning to UNC next year. I know that's a serious decision to make, but it is something that I have been thinking about for awhile. I don't know where I'd go though...I don't think it's the school that's bothering because I really do love this school...I think it's just being away from home. Which sounds bad because I'm 19-years-old and I can't stand to be away from home for more than 2 weeks. Maybe it's only because last year I was home every weekend and now that I haven't been going home as much it's new to me to be away from home so much. I seriously can't wait until Christmas though. A whole month away from school and work will be nice.

Well, I'm done now.

Loves around...

Wake me up when September ends...

Okay, so not feeling much better than the last time I posted. I think there is just way too much going on with roommates that is really getting to me. Emily and I chatted for like 2 hours last night about how we feel about everything and I didn't really realize how much she and I were in the same boat. She says she feels closer to me than anyone in the house because when everyone else is upstairs having a good time and not realizing that we're both downstairs in our rooms by ourselves...we're all we have to talk to.

And I know I could go upstairs and join them...but I always feel so awkward and unwelcome there even though no one is doing anything to make me feel that way. I talked to Chris before he had to book it to class and I told him how I was feeling about it and that sometimes I do feel left out even though sometimes I know I shouldn't.

I know that him, Kara, Garrick and Ian have this kind of special bond that I have to admit I am kind of jealous of. And I know I can blame myself for some of that because last year I didn't really make that much of an effort to see Chris very much and that isn't his fault. It isn't like he didn't invite me to eat with them a ton last year...I just never went. But apart of the reason I didn't go was because I felt awkward around some of them and now I do regret not hanging out with them as much as I could. I know I wouldn't be apart of their "Coed group", but I might have been at least a little bit closer to all of them.

Okay...well, those are my feelings and they're out there now. I'm done venting now.

Loves around...

>:-I

I usually don't post in the same day...but fuck it. For some odd reason I am so upset and angry. I just all of a sudden started to cry and I don't know why. Maybe it was the chaos of today and it's just all hitting me now. I just really hate all this shit and all I really want to do is go home and take my puppy and just hide in my bed. I'm seriously getting sick of all the drama...I don't do well with drama. When drama hits I hide in my room and cry and hope no one knocks on my door. That's actually what I'm doing right now...thankfully everyone went out. I feel like a big baby...but I don't care.

I seriously can't wait to go home on Friday. I know I'm only there until Saturday...but whatever. I just feel like I need a break from everyone...not that I don't love everyone to death...but there's just too much going on right now that I can't deal with.

Well, that's all the venting for now....

Loves around...

P.S. Sorry for snipping at you Chris and Ian (not like Ian reads my blog...but whatever) The screaming was just getting really annoying and I should have asked you guys to stop in a nicer way.

And to top it all off...

Okay...so today has been weird. I went to classes this morning feeling okay. Then I come home and read Garrick's blog and now I'm scared shitless. He basically said that he is going to kill himself and that everyone would be happier when he is gone. Yeah, what the fuck. So we all went to go try and find him and we eventually did at the UC. Chris is talking to him right now and I hope it's going all right. I have another class and work today...but I'll be done at 6. I just want to know what's going on right now and hopefully everyone will be willing to share at least some information with me.

It's just scary because I've never been in this kind of situation before. I just don't understand what the hell is going through his head. And it definitely feels like it's some sort of cry for attention because why would he say he's going to kill himself and then spend time going to class and printing off notes.

It just really angers me that he posts shit like that and it really upsets me. I definitely hope things do get better.

That's it for now...

Loves around...

Yay!!!!!!!!

So, yeah. Today I had work from 8:30-5 and let's just say that I am so freaking exhausted. But that's okay. Mila came yesterday and we had one of our "fat days" where all we do is sit around and watch movies and eat Ben and Jerry's ice cream. It was really nice. Then this morning I walked her to her car and then went to work for 8 1/2 hours. Good times.

Then I came home and showered and made dinner. Then Kara, me, Chris and Emily had a chat and cookie session in Kara's room.

I am now a compulsive MySpace checker just because Justin keeps sending me messages and I HAVE to know what he says. He called me about 40 minutes ago while I was curling my hair, but we only talked for about 5 minutes because he was at work. He said he would call me tomorrow. But, as I was hanging up with him, I said I would talk to him later and he said "Okay, bye sweetie." He called me sweetie. I got so giddy after that phone call. And he said he thought it was sweet that I told all my friends about him.

But anywho...that's all the news for now...but yay me! I'm THIS close to getting a boy!

Loves around...

Woot...

So, last night was boring yet entertaining (yeah, that sentence kind of contradicts itself...but whatever). I showered and such and then Emily came in my room to watch me curl my hair because that's how bored the poor girl was. It was nice chatting with her though. Then we went to King Soopers and then went to the mall where we both spent more money. So, at least we got to get out of the house for a bit. Then she went out with some of her friends and I watched Mean Girls again, because that movie never stops being entertaining (or fetch, whichever word you enjoy better). Then, of course at around 11:30 Justin calls me and we chatted for about 45 minutes. It's hard talking to him because my phone keeps cutting out, so when I wasn't talking because I thought we were disconnected, he thought I was being shy. Which I wasn't. Damn cell phone. After I hung up with him, I went to bed and now I'm waiting for Mila to come. She should be here in about 10 minutes and I am so looking forward to seeing her.

Well, that's about all for now. I'll post another one later to tell you about Mila and my crazy adventures today.

Loves around...

Something happened at midnight...

So, last night I was awoken at midnight to the sound of my phone ringing. I answered it, and it was Justin (my myspace guy). Why he called at midnight, I don't know...but it was still nice to hear from him. He said he was going to call me again today when I was less asleep. Let's see if he does. I told him I ususally get out of class at 2:15, but I forgot that on Fridays I'm done at 11. So, he probably is going to call later this afternoon (or so I'm hoping). He kept cutting out last night, too, so I hope I'll be able to understand him better this time too.

Anywho...Mila is coming tomorrow!! Yay! So, today I think I'm just going to chill out in my room the entire night. I kept telling myself last night that I could watch a movie...but I never did. Maybe I will tonight, because I don't have any studying to do since all of my tests were this week.

I'm going home next weekend for only 2 days because I work every Sunday now from 8:30-5. Oh, well...it's money...and my mom figured out that with how much I'm getting paid and how often...it's going to cover rent, food and utilities. She keeps telling me that this job is perfect, even if I end up hating it. Meh, oh well. It beats retail where I would be working all the time and have no time for school and friends.

Well, that's about it for now...

Loves around...

Interesting and sort of depressing day...

Okay...so I am so happy about some things and yet so sad about others.

My guy on myspace seems like he's really great, and I hope things do escalate from just mesaging on myspace and AIM. I did give him my cell number...so maybe he'll call me soon. What was depressing was my Gerontology class. All we talked about was death and dying. Yeah, it was great. I got reminded of so many things that I could have lived without remembering.

Also, I had to go to Carter Hall to fill out my I-9 form so I can actually get paid when I start work on Sunday. That was a blast as well, especially since it's kind of warm out and I have a sweatshirt on. It's getting cool enough where I don't have to have my fan on 24-7 so that's always good. One less thing I have to use electricity for.

Mila is coming down to see me on Saturday and I am SO excited to see her. Downer is that I have work at 8:30 the next morning, so we both have to get up early. Well, that's about all for now.

Loves around...

Okay...I'm better now

So, I'm feeling much better than the last time I posted...which was like yesterday...but that's okay. Today is going better. I have to go to TK to meet with people, and for some odd reason, I am kind of dreading it...don't ask me why. Maybe it's because I know I have to work now...but that shouldn't make me all blah inside.

Funny story though...I was making my Boyaredee and Marshall is searching around the kitchen and all of a sudden he asks me wear the cooking spray is. And I was like "I don't know...it's Chris's, maybe he put it somewhere..." I don't know if he got the hint or not...but I told Kara about it and she was like "He needs to buy his own damn cooking spray." Which he does if he wants to use it.

Well, just wanted to let peeps know that I'm not sad anymore and that things are getting better. I should probably study a little bit before my trip to the dining hall.

Loves around...

Last Post...

If anyone read my last post before I edited it to those song lyrics...I'm sorry if I upset anyone. I was just in a real weird mood yesterday and I started thinking about stupid things. Don't take it the wrong way...and again, I'm sorry,

Sad....

I couln't tell you why she felt that way
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistake again

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs

She wants to go home, but nobody's home
That's where she lies, broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go dry her eyes
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind
Be strong, be strong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs

Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's fallen behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's fallen from grace
She's all over the place

She wants to go home, but nobody's home
It's where she lies, broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go dry her eyes
Broken inside.

Hmm...that song seems to be the story of my life lately...

Potato Day...or is it Po-tah-do Day?

Today turned out to be interesting and it's only 1:00. We all went to Potato Day and it was actually more fun than I thought it was going to be. And I got a potato...it was quite yummy.
That was probably the highlight of my day since probably for the rest of today and tomorrow I will be catching up on some major reading that I have falled behind in. And I have a test on the material on Friday. I also have a job interview that day at Bath and Body Works at 9:00. Call me crazy, but I think I would rather work at the Dining Hall considering its in walking distance which equals less gas I have to waste.

But that tis all for now. I really actually have to read now.

Love around...

In Greeley....

Today was a pretty awesome day. I went to class, got done at 11, did my laundry, watched a movie, then Chris and I went to Kings to get food, and not 10 minutes later the Dining Hall calls me and offers me a job as their veggie washer...or something like that. I meet with someone on Tuesday and 3, so I pretty excited. Yeah, it's the Dining Hall, but it's also money...which equals rent and food.

Anywho...the Kings trip was quite amusing..and unpacking the stuff was even more amusing considering I made a very interesting sound while trying to lift my groceries onto the counter. Well, I'm bored again, so I'm going to try and find something to do.

Loves around...

Better Day....

Today was a better day. I actually got sleep last night! And I had a quiz in my Intro to Communication Disorders class, and I missed one...but that's okay because that means I still passed it. Gerontology was actually fun and quite humerous as well. It definitely reminded me of a Will and Grace episode. It's too long of a story to write down, but I shall tell everyone about it soon.

I joined a club for my major, so maybe I'll finally get to meet some new people! (Not that my friends aren't just the coolest people ever...but still, new people are always fun.) And we do things like bowling and free starbucks! And that corn maze thing, but we'll see if I want to go to that.

Whelp...that's about it for now. I actually have written homework to do! Yay!

Loves around....

I can't stand the pain....

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

I made mistakes
I've got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

T*I*R*E*D*

Yeah, so Joanna got no sleep last night! Wahoo! Now I'm going to be dead tired for the rest of the day. My day today is not going to consist of anything special. I plan on studying for my quizzes that I have tomorrow and on Thursday, catch up on reading that I have been slacking on and probably go to bed EXTREMELY early.

And I discovered last night that I hate having my room right next to the kitchen because I can hear EVERYTHING that goes on in there. That was probably another factor as to why I didn't get a whole lot of sleep.

But that's it...I'm going back to bed.

Loves around....

P.S. I also had to put on the word verification for comment posting. I really don't care about Mary Morgan's Las Vegas golf.

NyQuil could seriously be the new date-rape drug

I am home this weekend and I seriously feel like more ass than I did on Friday. I took NyQuil last night and it seriously knocked me out from 11:00pm until about 10:30am without any waking up in between. But I woke up this morning groggy and feeling so much worse. Blah. I will hopefully be feeling better on Monday for the trip back to Greeley.

On a better note...well, I guess there isn't a better note. Short and bitter this time.

Loves around...

Blah...

Today was just a shitty day, and it isnt even half over yet. Classes blew, and everything just sucks. I really want to just shove my face in a pillow and just scream...but I have a feeling my roommates would hear and come to investigate. My entire family is just one big pain in the ass and I really hate it. My mom keeps bugging me to do this or that because I must have all the time in the world. Yeah, bite me. If she wants it done so bad, maybe SHE should just do it.

Okay, that's enough for today before I break all the keys on the keyboard with my enraged pounding.